She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
