I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dicks are not precious.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
