What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
