you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
