Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
