I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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