Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
