1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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