if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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