Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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