Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Drake has all the answers
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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