quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
