We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
