btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
