By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
