Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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