Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
