Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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