Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
