I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize