I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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