Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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