Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It was confusing and full of hummus
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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