tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
