I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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