ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Damn victory sex feels great
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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