I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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