I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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