Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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