You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the condom got lost in my hair
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
