He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
