That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
