Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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