You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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