She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
