If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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