seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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