So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
