I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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