I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I wear drunk well.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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