Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
