dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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