So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
