So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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