Buhtt sex?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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