yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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