she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
