Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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