Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
