Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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