i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
