This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
