girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
