Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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