Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If that was your dad, he is hot
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
