It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
