So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You've changed since you got that strap on
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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