Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
