i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
