Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
