if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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