it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he was CRYING into my vagina
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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