I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
