Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
