i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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