i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
