I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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