So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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