Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
