someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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